Just because people like myself have wonderful jobs that we on the whole adore, doesn’t mean that mental health issues, anxiety, insecurity and fatigue, don’t affect us as well. Let me tell you, they do.
4th July 2025
Ever have one of those days when you just can’t get going? Everything seems like a slog, your focus is off and your desire to do what you know you have to do, is zero? Well, today I had one of those days.
Let me make something clear from the off: I am very lucky that I get to do something that I love and make a living from it. When friends I have, have to work more demanding jobs that frankly, are far more important than what I do for a living, I never lose sight of the fact that building models as a career, is a blessing.
That said, it is still a job and one that I have not only had for almost 30 years, but that I do to the best of my ability if not 100% of the time, then pretty close.
Like any artistic pursuit though, it is sometimes difficult to click into a mindset that allows me to be as creative as I need to be, to build the best models I can and then write what I hope are features that the editors and then in turn readers, are happy with. Most of the time I find it easy, but occasionally there are days like today where I feel like I’m walking through treacle and my insecurities overwhelm my desire to get on with the job.
Today I’ve felt distracted by other things in my head, to a point where I’ve just sat and stared out of the window for long periods of time, fixated on…nothing. Instead of focusing on what’s on my desk, I’ve drifted off, so that simple tasks such as spraying a few small parts, a job that should take minutes, has taken the thick end of an hour.
Along with the distractions of my own making, my mood has been such that small issues with the kit I’m building have taken on mammoth proportions, tiny amounts of additional work I consider unnecessary, eliciting angry responses and vitriolic outbursts. It’s all been a bit…unpleasant.
None of this is new, or unexpected. Over the years I have hit these points with almost clockwork regularity. Every large project I complete is followed by a downswing in my enthusiasm that I have to dig my way out of. Usually, that involves a short period away from building, more often than not followed by a simple project to get the engine running once more and my enthusiasm levels back up to where they need to be.
This time is different though. Having built ‘Kingston House’ I was straight into the day job with the Tamiya F-35C and then the Airfix Spitfire TR.9 that will run alongside it. All of those projects have combined to drain the tank of fuel, making what should be a couple of pleasing models to build, a real grind.I should have had a break between the projects, but I simply couldn’t do that, one running into another.
Look, I’m just venting today, but maybe it’s good to discuss once in a while the mental side of what we do. Just because people like myself have wonderful jobs that we on the whole adore, doesn’t mean that mental health issues, anxiety, insecurity and fatigue, don’t affect us as well. Let me tell you, they do. Appreciative as ever that there are bigger problems in the world, I still feel it worth discussing what all of us have to deal with and why sometimes it’s important to bring these things to the surface rather than hiding them away.
I’m a confident guy a lot of the time, but not all of it. Like many modellers you see in magazines or online, we mostly show you the positive aspects of our builds and even our lives. But that’s only part of the picture. Around those projects there are periods of time when things don’t go well and that working on your own, often in a headspace that’s hard to extricate yourself from, the journey can be difficult to navigate. Talking about those times is just as important as blowing sunshine up my own backside because it is only by doing that, that other modellers can see that their issues are exactly the same as ours. It’s all about the light and the shade.
Saturday will hopefully bring with it a renewed feeling of enthusiasm. Liz is planning an afternoon out so I may have some time to complete the cockpit of the Spitfire – that is, if the damned seatbelts arrive. If not, I’ll give it some more time, read a book and just relax. Fighting days like today certainly doesn’t work for me, so it’s best just to let my mood take its course and see what the coming days bring.
See you tomorrow.
SPENCER POLLARD'S KIT BOX 
Still unable to leave a comment, but thoroughly enjoy not only yr work but yr thoughts in yr daily blogs Spencer, have a great weekend Atb Howard
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One of the first things the instructors told us when I was in the School of Medical Illustration in Boston was that there would be days when nothing went right and you would fall into depression if you tried to continue, the most likely result being that you’d mess up your project and have to do much or all of it over again….. We were advised to put the work away, practice a technique, read a reference, or just do some mental planning to ride out the bad days. But above all, recognize that the bad day will pass and the light will appear again, and there’s always football…..
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Speaking as a writer of many books and a modeler of many models, and other things in my creative career over the past 45 years, I have found one of the best pieces of advice on how to deal with what you’ve written about here, Spence, came from Ernest Hemingway: sit in front of the typewriter (he’d say computer now but there weren’t aqny back then) for an hour every day at a set time, whether you put something on the page or not. Something will come of it and your mind will get used to the idea. I have definitely been through what you’re talking about here. Regularly.
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As you know, I build models to help with my PTSD and when things on my bench don’t work for me, I put them down and work on something else. That usually helps.
I just wanted to say that, I hear you. Also, your work, the models , books and media posts inspire the guys like me to be more like you.
Keep going mate, you’ve got this.
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Hi
Burn-out from ever more demanding builds / projects requiring extra time and commitment is common. Standards are so much higher now. I labour over things more these days, but time is short. The Summer is here, it’s hot, there’s more gardening to do too! These can be tiring days, and modelling in a hot cabin is a struggle.
I could do with putting our Dyson ‘Blade’ fan from the sitting room in there 😉
N.b. Other fans are available !
From a discussion on Missing Lynx – Braille Scale, a worthy read.
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I hear you loud and clear. Depression is a terrible thing and smacks me in the face randomly for no other reason than it can. I’ve heard it referred to as walking the black dog.
In my worst times modelling has been an immense benefit. Even if I wasn’t actively modelling, it didn’t stop me thinking about how to solve a problem with construction or marking.
Do something completely different. Listen to music. Bake bread. Watch Death in Paradise. Again.
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I’m a bus driver, I need to concentrate on what I’m doing a 100% or things can go wrong very quickly. That means on my first rest day ( they come in blocks of three or more depending on my rota) my head is cabbage. I do the bare minimum regards having to do chores and stuff.
My modelling is my chill out place but not on the first day off. It helps my mental state as does taking the poochling for a walk and, like yourself, I read a lot and there’s my music.
Totally agree Spencer, looking after your mental state is paramount because obviously it can affect everyone around you especially your loved ones.
By the way, have you ever built a Mach one kit? Now there’s something that will test anyone’s mental state.
Stay safe Spencer.
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